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Christian Education Symposium Israel Wayne Question/Answer Forum June 2002

The following is an archive of the question and answer message board on which Israel Wayne was our guest.

Click here for Martha Robinson's review of this book. Click here to see archives of past guests.

Israel Wayne is a homeschooled graduate who serves as the Marketing Director for Wisdom's Gate, a national publishing company which produces the HOME SCHOOL DIGEST and An Encouraging Word magazine for women of all ages. Israel is the author of the book Homeschooling From A Biblical Worldview (available from ChristianBook from our link), and What God Has Joined Together, a booklet he wrote with his wife Brook telling the story of their betrothal. Israel is a popular conference speaker and a frequent guest on radio talk shows. Israel's family began home educating in 1978 and has been featured in The Arizona Republic, The New American, TIME Magazine, and many other national publications. Israel and his wife Brook have two children, Benjamin Judah (2) and Cherish Rhema (6 months) whom they are planning to home educate.

Greetings!

I am really looking forward to fellowshipping with you all this week. I pray the Lord will bless our time and make it profitable for His Kingdom.

I need to say up front that my schedule is very busy and I may not be able to answer many of your posts until evening (my phone rings off the hook here sometimes during office hours), so if you can be patient with me, I will try to answer all the posts.

Thank you for the opportunity to get to know you all better. Thanks to Mary L. for working this out, and for Martha Robinson for the book review. I wish I could read that fast Martha! It takes me longer to read most books than it probably took the author to write them! Thanks again!

With all that said, let us proceed!

God bless,

Israel

Do you have specific curriculum or resource recommendations...
Posted By: Lorraine in BC

Do you have specific curriculum or resource recommendations which particularly support home schooling from a Biblical worldview?

Reply by Israel Wayne:

Lorraine,

I tried to make my book "plug and play" with any educational approach. Whether you are traditional or eclectic, classical, principle approach, Charlotte Mason, textbook, unit study, etc. Anyone who is committed to teaching their children at home for the glory of God will be able to use my book as a supplement to the curriculum they are already using.

I hope this helps!

In Christ,

Israel

Reply by Israel:

Subject: Resources on Romance and Emotional Purity that you can read.

Dear Alexisse,

Thank you for your post! My wife and I have written a 24 page booklet entitled, "What God Has Joined Together" which is available from Wisdom's Gate for $5.00. It tells the story of our betrothal and how the Lord brought us together without dating (or courting).

My wife Brook has written an article for young women entitled, "Of Princes and Fairy Tale Dreams" which is a great article for young women on the issue of emotional purity. It is found in HOME SCHOOL DIGEST V12#3 ($5.00 from Wisdom's Gate).

I have a 60 min. audio tape I have produced entitled, "Waiting for True Love" which is especially for someone your age who is wanting God's best in the area of marriage/romance. ($5.00 Wisdom's Gate)

I have written an article entitled, "Betrothal: Should We Kiss Courtship Goodbye?" Which outlines the differences between Dating, Courtship and Betrothal, and explains some problems we have seen in the courtship movement. (V11#2 of HOME SCHOOL DIGEST. $5.00 Wisdom's Gate)

My sister Mercy (who is 20 years old and still single) has recently written an article for AN ENCOURAGING WORD magazine (Issue #38) entitled, "Twas The Night Before the Wedding" which is specifically for young ladies who are trying to find God's will for their lives in regards to marriage. ($4.50 from Wisdom's Gate)

Also I would recommend a video by Pastor S.M. Davis entitled, "God's Plan for Finding A Mate" which is an excellent resource featuring illustrations from the story of my wife and I and Chad & Heidi Eves, who were featured on NBC's Dateline. ($20.00 from Wisdom's Gate)

All of these resources are available by calling Wisdom's Gate at 1-800-343-1943 and you can learn more about some of them by visiting our website http://www.homeschooldigest.com

Please commit your heart to the Lord in this areas (as I suspect you are currently doing) and trust Him completely. Give the Lord your heart and He will never let you down.

Your brother in Christ,

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

Mr. Wayne,
I am not familiar with the term betrothal you use. I thought that was when you were engaged. Our friend just brought over a copy of your magazine last night for mama to read and she's gobbling it up! LOL.

May God bless your interview week here. I'll talk to mama about the things you recommended.
Sincerely in Christ,
Alexisse

Response from Israel:

Subject: Betrothal Defined

Alexisse,

I have addressed many of these questions at greater length elsewhere, but I'll try to give a brief explanation of what betrothal means.

The root word of betrothal is the word "troth: which is an old English variation on the word "truth". If you have a Webster's 1828 dictionary I would encourage you to look up Betrothal and Courtship to get a clearer understanding regarding the meanings of the terms.

Basically courtship means to woo, to seek the affections of, to solicit, to flatter, etc. It is a young man trying to win the favor of a young woman.

So, yes, betrothal is like engagement, except that it is a promise and a covenant made before God and witnesses, which should be taken extremely seriously and should not be revoked unless there has been unfaithfulness on the part of the other partner. (Matt. 1:19)

In dating there is not an absolute commitment to marriage. It is a trial relationship.

Courtship does not require an absolute commitment to marriage. It is a trial relationship.

Betrothal is a binding covenant or agreement to be married.

I hope this helps! If you think I'm a nut, you can tell me. If it helps any, I have studied this subject quite a bit, so I'm not just talking off the top of my head. I know it sounds radical, but I think our culture has lost some important principles taught in scripture.

For the record, betrothal is NOT prearranged marriage. We do not, nor does scripture, advocate forcing young people to marry against their will. And no, betrothal doesn't necessarily mean that your parents pick out who you marry.

In peace,

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

Subject: Thank you for your answer.

Did you practice courtship at all before meeting Brook? Just curious.

It seems you don't really know someone well enough to marry until you know their heart for God. If you do not allow a chance to meet and get to know each other, how does this work with betrothing?

A "trough" doesn't sound very romantic. Hahaha!

My mother is reading the Encouraging Word magazine.

Thank you in Christ,
Alexisse

Response from Israel:

Subject: Blind Marriage?

Alexisse,

How do you and your mom answer posts at the same time? Multi-tasking family!

To answer your question about courting, no I have never practiced courtship. I first heard about "not-dating" over 12 years ago (before it was popular or a fad). I heard of "courtship" proper (as we now understand it) in 1993. While I liked and still like many of the principles, it is not a completely Biblical concept. So, I couldn't embrace it fully.

As an early teen all my friends were in the very liberal dating scene, and while I was spared from the extremes of that lifestyle, I shared that worldview. It was when I was 15 that I determined to wait for God to bring me my wife. I asked God to let me be like Adam, and go to sleep on the whole issue until the time when I was supposed to be married. I asked God to then wake me up and say, "Here is your wife!" And He did that!

Since the age of 15 I did not date, court, hold hands with or even have a pen pal relationship with anyone before I was betrothed to my wife.

That doesn't mean, however, that I did not have friends who were young ladies. I believe that the natural and Biblical admonition is that we develop relationships as friends, treating each others as brothers and sisters in Christ, in all purity. You don't have to have the pressures of boyfriend and girlfriend, you can simply be friends in a Godly sense. (1 Tim. 5:2)

You can learn more about a young man by interacting with him and his family as friends than you can if he is putting on an act trying to impress you. Dating and courtship gives us a phoney view of people (most of the time) because they are putting their best foot forward, trying to win your affections.

Does that make sense? Am I still a nut?

If it is any consolation to you, my wife still really loves me after 3 1/2 years of marriage. (And I still love her.)

We were friends before we were betrothed, we are still friends (and much more than friends) now that we are married.

The real question is "Can we trust God to pick out our mate and bring him or her when the time is right?" The answer is "Yes we can and yes we should!"

Keep pressing into Jesus,

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

Subject: Have you heard of Nutty Buddies?

I think they are a cookie and they are very nutty like you. ha ha ha.

Well, I'm glad someone else out there doesn't believe in dating. My parents both dated and now wished they hadn't. Their previous dates kinda messed things up for them, especially my mom emotionally. When she started dating dad, she didn't even hold his hand until they were 2 weeks away from being engaged and didn't kiss until after their engagement.

Some girls in our homeschool group are already experimenting with makeup, clothing that is far from Christ-like and their attitudes towards boys is merely to act like fly paper would with flies. I think this stinks!

We are act like Christ in all our relationships, and not change the rules just because we see a cute guy.

I have a few guys for friends, but that's all they are and I think having a boyfriend is really nuts for a girl my age.

Response from Israel:

Subject: Flypaper Romance

Alexisse,

I like that analogy. "Flypaper Romance." With your permission I would like to use that title for my new novel. I am writing a plot for a bestseller. The storyline goes something like this:

There is this guy and the girl who are courting, and the rapture happens and the one is taken and the other is left. The way I see it, if I can pitch this story to someone really big, like Veggie Tales, I can sell millions!! Now that I have the title, nothing can stand in my way. Look out Frank Peretti, here I come.

Oops. Sorry about that. It's an ADHD thing that I am still trying to overcome. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, kissing. Boy if you think your mom is a little right of center, get this one. My wife and I didn't kiss until the day of our wedding, after the pastor announced us husband and wife!! Whoa! Forget being a nut...we must be bonafied fruitcakes! (I really don't like fruitcakes by the way, do you? I think they are best used as doorstops, or anchors for small fishing boats.) Oops. Another ADHD episode. Sorry.

Seriously, I think you are a very thoughtful young person who has her head on properly. Very refreshing to see in this confused world in which we live.

Your mom and dad have a lot of wisdom to offer, make sure you take advantage of it. One of the best ways to learn is from the successes and failures of others.

Speaking of mom and dad, the Lord has taught us that you want to view your mom and dad as partners in the process of preparing for marriage, not as enemies. They can help you walk through many issues that you will face all the way up to the wedding. Having their blessing and approval on your marriage will be one of the greatest gifts you will take into married life.

Don't be afraid to be nutty for Jesus!

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

Subject: Stick behind would be a better name.

They already have a left behind series, but stuck behind would be kewl. You can create many episodes and create a silly song for each one too.

Thank you for reminding me that my parents can be a big part in helping me decide who my God wants me to marry. For right now I just want to sort things out from the word so I can be ready when I might get asked out or something. My best girlfriend has a guy in our homeschool group who likes her and he's only 13. She's 13. She doesn't like him, but he's always following us. I told her she needs to tell him to get lost. She almost seems like she enjoys his attention even though she sez she doesn't like him. Sorry to ramble, I just don't want to see her make a big mistake and I'm getting tired of being left out when they are together.

Gotta fly, mom made some popcorn with the Whirlybird popcorn popper. Have you ever had popcorn that way? It's GOOD. My little sis loves to stir it with the built in handle.

Cya & God bless. It's nice to know there are big brothers in Christ out there who have written some good stuff for me to read to help sort things out. Chow time. Alexisse.

Response from Israel:

Subject: Love and Popcorn

Alexisse,

What I would recommend is if a guy ever asks you out, inform him that he has to talk to your dad. That will probably drop the issue right there. Most guys are real wimps and won't want to get anywhere near your dad. You don't want those kind anyway.

If they are bold enough to talk to your dad he could inform them that you (if this is the case) are waiting for the person to come along who is going to commit to being faithful to you alone for as long as you live. Other less serious inquiries need not apply. If they say they are ready to make that commitment (which I doubt), then he would have to determine your age and whether you are ready to be married. If you are 16, he should probably tell the young man that you need a few more years and if he is still committed to you in a few years when you are ready to be married, to come back and talk to your dad some more. If he allows himself to develop a friendship with your dad, keeps his emotions in check and doesn't defraud you by trying to win your affections, he may make a great husband.

This process of being accountable to your father, and making the young men who inquire about a relationship accountable, will spare you much heartache. As one who has seen a lot of tragic romances, I would STRONGLY encourage you to never enter a romantic relationship or give your heart to anyone who has not make a proper proposal to be faithful to you for as long as he lives. If he won't make that commitment, he is probably perfectly willing to dump you and find someone else later.

Well, the popcorn sounds like a wonderful idea. I like the Whirlybird popper I lot better than microwave. I am just not coordinated enough to know how to do it. My sisters know, so I have to bum off them. I usually do the Orville (however you spell his last name) brand of microwave popcorn. It is a concession to be reserved only for when I am alone and don't want to starve. I don't know how to cook anything else. I once wrote an article for HOME SCHOOL DIGEST entitled, "I Can't Even Make Spaghetti!" (V11#4) which was a humorous admission of my lack of domestic skills. Who needs to learn how to cook when you have 5 sisters?!

God's best to you!

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

My dad carries a big stick...and he intends on using it if need be. ha ha ha.

No seriously any guy that wants to date me is going to have to answer to my dad. He's much pickier than he was when he was dating and doesn't want to see me date just anybody. Mom and dad want to do double "dates" with me when things seem serious with someone when I am old enough to consider someone for a spouse.

For now I am just a horseback raiding, tomboy type girl who likes snakes, lizards, outdoor life and a whole lot more. Some day that will change maybe. I will leave that up to God.

Dad says popcorn a front porch swing and an open window near the front porch swing reveals a lot about a guys intentions. Especially if he sits in the middle of us or behind us he said.

Mama just ordered your book on betrothal. I will be curious to read about how you and Brook met. I read her article about bread baking since we baked bread today. Tell her thanks for all the tips.

God bless you Mr. funny bro!

Alexisse

Response from Israel:

Alexisse,

I submit this to you for prayer and consideration. I would encourage you to seriously and prayerfully evaluate whether the Lord would have you date someone who you are not certain that you will marry.

If you do not marry that person, they will be some other woman's husband. In that case, they truly belong to that woman, not to you. Do you have a right to date someone's future husband?

If you do not marry a person that you date, that means that your future husband will have to contend with the fact that you dated someone else, and perhaps gave part of the love and affection you should have reserved for him to someone else.

Here is a guideline that I think is good to follow (really give some thought to it before you write it off as irrelevant): It is not appropriate for you to do anything with a man who is not your husband (or pledged to be your husband), that your mom should not do with a man besides your dad. (And this applies in reverse for men also.) Is it right for your mom to hold hands with, kiss, or go to a romantic dinner with a man besides her husband? I don't think we would have trouble seeing this as inappropriate. Why? Because she has set herself apart to be faithful to your father for as long as she lives.

In the same way, you should set yourself apart to be faithful to your future husband. You don't have to wait until you are married to begin. You can start saving yourself for him even now. Any gift you give to someone who isn't your husband, you have stolen from him to give to another.

In all seriousness, please consider if there may be some wisdom from someone who has been down the road a little farther on this. Once you are married, you will not regret (I promise you) that you did not date a few more men and give more of your heart to other men before you married.

You will thank God that you have stored up many treasures of purity to offer exclusively to the man you will spend your whole marriage loving.

Keep the faith little sis!

Israel

Response from Alexisse:

I will show this to my parents.

Thank you for being so honest in your sharing time with me. Mom and I will read your book about you and Brooke as soon as it arrives. I do want to pray and give this area of my life to God and see what he leads me to do about not dating, courtship or betrothal. I will learn more about it in your book I guess. God will show my family and me what is supposed to take place for my future. I sort of want to be prepared before any temptation comes up that will take me away from god's purpose for my life.

I'm very frustrated right now with a girl in our homeschool group. She is not dressing modestly and has every boy hanging around her like a hungry pack of dogs. It's really gross. I feel like I need to say something to her. Pray for me to be bold and to share in Jesus love. She and her little sister are becoming a bad influence to another girl I know. I pray God will protect everyone's heart.

I have enjoyed meeting you. You have a neat ministry. May God bless you your family and your writing.

The little sis in Christ in Arizona who loves horses, exploring outside and loving Jesus.(not in that order).

Alexisse

An Encouraging Word...
Posted By: Cindy

I just heard about this magazine yesterday from a friend. What types of articles does this publication cover and what type of woman would be attracted to this magazine?

Are you from the Phoenix area? I noticed you were featured in the Republic & Gazette.

Thank you & God bless you! Sounds as if the Lord has truly given you a wonderful life, despite difficulties in a single parent household.

I'll look for your book at our upcoming homeschool convention in Phoenix on 6/28/02.

Cindy Lou Who

Response from Israel:

Cindy,

I am not from Phoenix, I live in Michigan, but my wife Brook is from Scottsdale, AZ. You can get my book at Jesus Chapel Bookstore in Phoenix, AZ if you want to. They can also order our betrothal booklet "What God Has Joined Together" or HOME SCHOOL DIGEST magazine issues.

Or you can order from us at Wisdom's Gate 1-800-343-1943. AN ENCOURAGING WORD is for women who want to be godly Christian women. It features practical hands-on articles for the homemaker, as well as inspirational articles for helping you serve your family and your Savior better. You can learn more about it by visiting http://www.anencouragingword.net

Sample issues are $4.50.

God bless,

Israel

Response from Cindy:

Thank you, Israel, my friend brought over an Encouraging Word for me to preview last night...

It's a really great magazine!

I had not received any training prior to marrying my husband 20 years ago and sure wish I had! I'm in the process of back pedaling and training my daughter's how to be keeper's of the home, so they will not have the same battles I have had the first two decades of marriage!

God has been faithful in teaching me many wonderful things after many years into marriage. Sharing and encouraging sister's is truly an important ministry. There don't seem to be many local women who have a Titus 2 ministry who are older and have been married to one husband to serve as examples. I am blessed to know there are publication's that help fill in the gap.

Your family is beautiful! (I saw the picture of your new baby girl and your lovely wife and young son inside the back cover of the magazine.)

May the Lord bless you as you minister here this week.
His servant and yours,
Cindy Lou Who

Response from Israel:

Cindy,

I'm glad you like AEW. My wife, my mother and my sisters all like it as well. Of course, they write for it and put it together. The thing that bums me about it though, is that they won't let me write for it. I have written articles for a lot of magazines, but this one rejects everything I submit. They wouldn't even print my microwave popcorn recipe (the only thing I knew how to cook before I was married!).

I even submitted a really nifty article about sisters submitting to and obeying their brothers and it got nixed. Can you believe that!!!

Put in a good word for me if you think of writing a letter to the editor! :)

Israel

P.S. For those who don't know the difference, I'm just joking. I realize that you don't know me. Sorry.

Response from Cindy:

Well, You're a-ok in my book...First off, you like microwave popcorn (my favorite is Orville Redenbocker sp?)!

Secondly, you're a knucklehead! The world needs more Christians with a sense of humor! Maybe you need to start a Christian comedian website.
LOL...

I just ordered your book and betrothal article/booklet from Glory at your office. I might as well support you too, since you're a guest speaker and you need to make a living too!

His servant and yours,

Cindy

Being new to Homeschooling..
Posted By: Jeannie in Maine :o)

I guess with all the different "types" , formats and ways of teaching HSing out there now...How is yours SO different and yet more Biblical based than others?

How does one incorporate your ods into what they have already started? Or been using/doing for years?

Thanks for your answers.

May God keep Blessing you and your Family.

Jean M

Response from Israel:

Being new to HSing..
Posted By: Jeannie in Maine :o)
Date: Monday, 10 June 2002, at 8:23 a.m.

I guess with all the different "types" , formats and ways of teaching HSing out there now...How is yours SO different and yet more Biblical based than others?

How does one incorporate your ods into what they have already started? Or been using/doing for years?

Thanks for your answers.

May God keep Blessing you and your Family.

Jean Moulton

On the hyperactive child...do you have any tips on teaching math facts to an active little boy (10yo)?
Posted By: Mary Leggewie .

Flash cards take FOREVER with this one! He just can't focus. I'm curious what your mom did with you!

Response from Israel:

Mary,

Believe it or not, one of the questions my wife's mother asked me before they gave their consent to let me marry Brook was, "How good are you at math?" Don't ask me why she asked that, but she did. I answered something like, "I am slightly better at math than I am at spelling." This of course told them very little, but they let me marry their daughter anyway. The moral of the story is: You never know when you may need to know something about math later in life.

All that being said, I guess I would suggest (I, not the Lord) that you may want to look into a software program that would allow him to interact with a computer that prompts him with questions.

I have never personally used this program, but I would recommend that you check out Marvelous Math. http://www.heart-of.com/arithmetic/Index.HTM The creator, Stephen Mitchem, is a homeschooled dad and he has advertised in our magazine in the past. Mention HSD if you write to him. I hate to mention it, but his wife just passed away last week from cancer, so be gentle if you contact him. He needs a lot of love from us right now.

There are probably some others, but they aren't coming to my mind right now. I will post them if I think of them. I would suggest trying software to see if he likes that better. I would have.

If he doesn't, please send all complaints to the law offices of Letz, Milkem and Cheetum. They are my legal partners.

Another thought is, boys (especially hyperactive ones) don't tend to learn anything on grade level. Don't panic if he doesn't "know what he is supposed to know when." Try hands-on projects where he is implementing real-life math scenarios, not just abstract facts and data. I had a really hard time learning if I didn't see how it connected with real life.

Have you ever checked out Making Math Meaningful by David Quine. He knows a lot more about math than I do! http://www.cornerstonecurriculum.com/Curriculum_MMM.htm

I hope this helps!

Israel

Response from Mary:

I'm curious...how to you do with "speed drill" type timed tests?

Roger freaks out on the computer with anything that makes him feel like he has to hurry. Quarter Mile Math is a disaster for him. I'm curious if anything timed and rushed was hard for you as a kid.

Thanks for the suggestion!

Subject: Speedy Math

Mary,

My personal experience is that, especially when I was young, it was a bad idea to try to rush me. I needed time to focus and really let the ideas sink in. The thing about flashcards, and I hope I am not out of place to say this, is that I considered them to be boring. There was something about my mom (personality issues) drilling me with math that just seemed boring to me.

I'm not saying that was a good and proper perspective. I just didn't do well with "formal" education. I don't know if this helps or not, but I really think I have learned much more after I graduated and didn't have to do formal schooling anymore (as formal as our informal homeschooling ever was). I still don't like formality. Some people crave it. Not me.

As I said before, the more I could see that I might actually use a skill in life the more motivated I was to study it.

I noticed Cindy has some suggestions on teaching math. I'm certain there are many others on this list who know more about it than I do. I don't claim to be a teaching expert.

You know, now that I think about it, I remember the one thing that I actually enjoyed doing related to math! I probably shouldn't tell you for fear I'll be kicked off the list by angry mothers everywhere. This is not very spiritual, and I'm not saying I recommend it, but I loved to study baseball cards. I would do it for hours.

I liked to figure out the players' batting averages, slugging percentages and ERAs. That is how I learn to do percentages. I used to be addicted to baseball. A man at our church called me a walking baseball encyclopedia.

For some reason my mom let me spend way too much time studying baseball. I knew that it was 90 feet from home base to first, 60 feet from the pitchers mound, 455 feet to center field (in some parks), etc. I used to calculate attendance at certain games. If Wrigley Field could hold 42,000 people (for example), and only 28,000 showed up (which would be rare unless it was raining, Cubs fans are notorious for being gluttons for punishment), what was the percentage of the park that was sold out. If 40% of the seats were bleachers and sold for $6.00 each (this was when I was young if you recall), and if 30% were box seats at $12.00 and the other 30% were club seats at $16.00 how much money did the ballpark take in that day?

I guess the whole point is that I was interested in baseball, so mom my let me study it. I guess she figured that as long as I was learning the right skills, I would eventually drop my obsession with baseball (which I did) but still remember how to do the math problems (which I did).

Perhaps I have proven I am not a homeschooling purist and will now be labeled a heretic for studying baseball instead of flashcards. I'm just saying it helps if you can find an area of interest and work with it.

Boy am I in trouble now!

Israel

Additional Comment by Cindy Lou:

There's a hand held game called "Math Shark"...

I just ordered one for my children after seeing them play with it at our friend's house ALL afternoon...It looked pretty challenging and fun at the same time. We don't allow game boys at our house, but my husband and I decided this would be a great addition to our "games". Why tell them it's school, right?

I just told them I bought that neat game the Bruce's had. " )

My oldest dear daughter has processing problems and was originally diagnosed with ADD. I think it was because she was so frustrated she couldn't get anything in her head and see it properly. She responded nicely to jumping rope and saying her multiplication facts or going up and down steps and saying her basic math facts, along with writing the math facts on a piece of wood that has shaving cream slathered on it. The shaving cream was purchased for a $1 at the dollar store and the wood was left over from our home being constructed. It was a pretty cheap route to go for "math curriculum".

Did you "future" in-laws ever make you recite your math facts? I'll bet your wife reconciles the checkbook. Hee hee hee... " )

Blessings in Christ to you, especially in math !
His servant and yours,
Cindy Lou Who

Training up the ADD child...
Posted By: Cathe

I enjoyed reading your article. It was funny. But I am married to a man with ADD and know that for adults, it can cause terrible problems: an inability to keep a job, manage money, anticipate results from actions (because you don't consider the actions), keep track of your wallet or keys, remember what you studied a month ago, manage time effectively; a tendency toward addictions; frustration and anger because life is so HARD. And that is for a Christian!

Our middle son, 15 yo, has ADD also. How can I train him up better than my dearly beloved husband was trained? Perhaps the word I am looking for is to "prepare" him - he does have these handicaps. Self-discipline is one aspect of it, especially when you are talking about little children, but the situation is different for grown men.

I don't over-indulge my sons or let them make excuses. I find that clear rules and continual guidance are what they need, ADD or not! Saxon is excellent for junior high and high school math because of its incremental approach and the lack of distracting illustrations and silly stories. So we do build the self-discipline to do the required tasks - as long as they know what is required.

Alex is a delightful person - he is involved with children's ministries and is an affectionate son. But already I see him having trouble at work (farmwork, resort lawn care, etc.) because he can't focus. An employer from last year did not have him back this summer. He forgets where he puts things or what he was doing.

On the other hand, he will read for hours and hours on end - good books. His math is coming along nicely. He can speak in public and is strong and healthy.

So I guess my question is this: What practical coping skills and "tricks" should we teach our ADD children? How do we do that? How can we direct their education to prepare them for a world that will be frustrating for them? I know there are tricks like developing habits - always putting your keys in the same place, etc.

What have you found helpful and what areas would you encourage me to work on?

First response from Israel:

Subject: ADD Adults & Teens

Cathe,

If you are interested in knowing what philosophies drive the issues surrounding ADD/ADHD (which I think are important and do affect the way you treat the problem), you can order an article I have written entitled, "Acute Disobedience Disorder" (HOME SCHOOL DIGEST V12#3) http://www.wisgate.com/V123.htm

Second response from Israel:

Subject: ADD Teenager

Cathe,

For myself, I was ADHD, so I had to deal with the hyperactive element as well as attention problems. It doesn't sound like your husband or your son deal with hyperactivity. I grew out of being hyper during my teen years, but the attention issues aren't as likely to just go away.

I have friends and relatives who are incapacitated by their diagnosis of ADD. They feel there is something wrong with their brain that will keep them from being a normal human being. That saddens me.

God made us a certain way and we should never be bitter about how God has made us. He may have given us certain tendencies for a specific reason. I hope your son doesn't decide that he can't win. I hope he realizes that God knows what He is doing and God can help your son fulfill his greatest potential, if he submits himself fully to the Lord.

Distractability must be overcome, at least to some degree, or we can't function properly (as you stated in your letter). We have to be able to focus, finish tasks, have meaningful conversations, etc.

For myself, I have (by God's grace) overcome some of my ADD tendencies. Some, but not all. Gimmicks don't tend to work well for me. I hate formulas and organization strategies. People often suggest tips and hints to help me stay focused and complete assignments, but I don't like most of them.

I really think my biggest problem with ADD is selfishness. I care about myself, my freedom, and what is important to me, but I care very little about other people and their needs. I (and most ADD people) can hyper-focus on what interests me. You mention this about your son and reading. That is common. We can tune everyone else out and tunnel-vision on what we are doing, because it is important TO US. If my someone asks me to do something, get something at the store, finish a task by a certain date, etc., I tend to forget all about it. But if it is something I want to do, I never forget. Strange, isn't it?

So, the questions is, do I lack the ability to concentrate, or do I just refuse to care enough about most things to make the effort?

It is a lack of love and concern for the needs of others that drives 90% or more of what we call ADD, in my opinion. I'm not casting stones here, I'm preaching to myself. I don't forget to finish what I like doing. People like myself, and I'm not sure if your husband and son are, are very self-absorbed. We like being free-spirits. We don't fit well into molds. We don't hold down jobs because we like to do things our way, on our own schedule. We don't respect it when someone tells us we should do things their way.

It really is pretty pathetic. I would love to blame my behavior on a neurological disorder which I genetically inherited from my ancestors, but I think it is more likely a sin problem I inherited from our common ancestor, Adam.

My universe revolves around me and my needs. Anything outside of my inside world is someone else's problem.

I notice that if I can change my heart, care about others, and put them first, my outward performance improves dramatically.

I have found that until my heart is right and I am esteeming others as better than myself, all the trick and tips in the world won't amount to much.

Trying to be honest,

Israel

Response by Cathe:

Interesting perspective...and possibly quite true. There is a definite "hyperfocus" on certain things. I guess it could be a form of selfishness, or perhaps a retreat to an area where he excels.

Both of my ADDers seem to thrive where things are organized for them - in the military, for example. I would like to encourage self-organizational skills.

Thank you for your insights.

Response from Israel:

Subject: Selective Focus

Cathe,

It has been hard for me to admit that my problem is not so much a lack of attention, but rather selective attention. Yet I recognize that I do have an ability to follow through with certain things that I enjoy.

I'm still not a very organized person in some respects. My wife helps me a lot because she is, but I'm not sure if that really helps me or just makes me look better because she is making sure I remember things. I appreciate her help, but I realize I have come to depend upon her for quite a bit. I don't think that is all bad though. I have a deficiency and she is a helpmeet for the areas where I am weak. I think the Lord does that sometimes. He has us marry people who will complete us.

The number one thing for me is to care about something, then I am motivated to follow through and do a good job. If it matters to me, then tricks and tips can benefit me. If not they won't.

Israel

What are your favorite US history resources for teens?
Posted By: Cathe

Also, which news magazines would you recommend for a Christian household? We have considered the Wall Street Journal, and I have seen World and The New American. I want something with good news coverage. While I like the slant of the articles in the New American and World, for example, I like the news coverage of the Wall Street Journal. Have you found one that you like?

Response from Israel:

Subject: Fave Raves

Cathe,

This is just my opinion here, and I'm not speaking as marketing director of Wisdom's Gate. This is merely Israel's opinion. World Magazine is quite professional and usually contains some thoughtful ideas that apply a Christian worldview to current events. They tend to focus on American pop culture issues and less of financial or foreign relations issues in general. They are probably the top pick.

New American has some thought provoking articles, but if I can say this without offending too many people, we have advertised with them in the past and some of the people who have replied to the ads are on the fringe to say the least. Can you say "paranoid"? I don't want to indict their entire readership because they have many intelligent Christian folks who read the mag. However, if you don't trust in the Lord it is easy to flip out and lose it. You'd have to see some of the letters and packages we have received to understand what I mean. Not balanced to say the least! The Christian message is not a negative one. In the end, Christ wins! Without that message I might be a bit overwhelmed as well.

Wall Street Journal is one my father-in-law likes a lot. I'm not a regular reader so I can't say much about it. I know they have been very pro-homeschooling overall.

The Washington Times national weekly is another conservative publication that is worth checking into. I know the marketing director there and he is a Christian. We have had some good discussions.

On U.S. History...Hmmm...I like primary source materials. I like to read books written by the founders themselves, not books about them. Most U.S. History resources are too biased for my taste. They have either been revised to take out Christianity or to add it where it doesn't belong. Most of the popular Christian publishing companies who specialize in American History have a theological bias that warps the way they tell the story. I think that is just as wrong as the secular revisionists. I know that is terribly unpopular to say, but I think it is important to know that they often put just as much spin on our history, just in the opposite direction.

If you can read material straight from the horse's mouth so to speak, then you realize there is a more balanced perspective. There were good and bad, Christian and unChristian, influences that helped shape our nation. Much of what shaped the Constitution was Enlightenment philosophies and the Enlightenment concept of Natural Law. Certain Christian speakers and authors try to make Natural Law appear to be a Christian concept, which it wasn't.

Also Christian Reconstructionists (which I am not) are the leading promoters of a Christian interpretation of American History. Some of their authors have stated that God made an irrevocable covenant with America, etc. They go there because of their theological bias, but I heartily disagree with that perspective. (You can see my book for a deeper examination of my views on U.S. History.)

I have a chapter in the book where I talk about multiculturalism and the tendency to downplay the Christian elements of America's history and heritage in favor of other more pagan cultures and worldviews. That is wrong. However, most Christian publishers are so arrogant about America you would almost think that once God birthed the "new eden" of the U.S., he told the rest of the world to go to hell. That is terribly unbalanced. Christians need to emphasize the kingdom of God and how He has worked through all of time and history to accomplish his purposes. God cares about other nations just as much as he cares about ours.

Israel

Israel...
Posted By: Lorissa

Although I am still waiting for your book to get here. I want to thank you for visiting us this week. Just reading your posts here has taught me so much, motivated me and made me think about many things. And when I do finally get your book and have read it, expect an e-mail from me!

Thank you Israel!

Lorissa

Additional comment from Mary

Thank you sooo much, Israel, for being our special guest this week!...

I know you took a lot of time prayerfully answering posts this week, and I want you to know that is very much appreciated! Thanks for sharing so much about your life, your family, and also for sharing your humor with us!

May God bless you richly in all that you do!

In His service,

Mary

Response from Israel:

Thank you all for inviting me!

To all,

I am grateful for the privilege of being on this board for the week. I feel the Lord has made it worthwhile for all of us. I have really sensed the love God has for you all this week. He cares deeply about your families and the things you are going through. He will move heaven and earth to be near you when you call to Him from a pure heart.

In His grip,

Israel

Christ in Us -Final Post
Posted By: Israel

I wanted to reply to Susie’s questions, which at this point has not yet been posted. (I received it via e-mail.) I don’t have that e-mail in front of me, so I’ll have to reconstruct the question from memory (which isn’t likely to be perfectly accurate). I believe the question was: “What is the reality of ‘Christ in you, the hope of glory?’” (Col. 1:27) (See my post “The Path of the Righteous.”)

Answering that question could take a lifetime. It is so simple, and yet so profound.

To begin with, it takes coming to the end of ourselves. It requires us being totally willing to stop trying to control our own lives. It is recognizing that we are blind and crying out to the Lord, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” (Luke 18:35-39) It is calling out to Him as though our very lives depend upon it. Crying out to Him like it means something to us. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jer 29:13)

I could share so much scripture with you, but I would say our best hermeneutic is to look at Col. 1:27 in the context of the entire chapter. In verses 9-14 we see our initial redemption, and the growth we should be seeing in our lives once we are born again. Verses 21-22 reveal a very important aspect of Christ living in us, and through us.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation-- IF YOU CONTINUE IN YOUR FAITH, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.” Col 1:21-23 (NIV)

We are in a walk of faith. Our relationship with our Savior is not a “one time many years ago” event. If we do not continue to grow and walk in obedience to what he has called us to, we will shrivel up spiritually and God will not work in us and through us.

Verse 24 contains the key word to Christ living in us and through us. SUFFERING. The path of suffering is the only path to being Christ like. We can’t go around it; we can’t bypass it. We must embrace it and follow Christ on the road of suffering. This is the call we have received. We have no other invitation. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer explains in his book "The Cost of Discipleship", “When Christ calls a man, He bids him to come and die.” Come and give up everything you have, all your dreams, your hopes, your ambitions. Lay it all down, follow Me, and die. As Bonhoeffer asks, wouldn’t a fool be the only one who would respond to such a call? Why would we want to do that?!

We respond for one reason and one reason only: Because it is the Savior who calls. His voice compels us. His eyes burn into our soul as he looks at us and beckons us to come. We find ourselves laying aside our fishing nets, getting out of the boat, and following. Why? For the sake of the call. Because it is Jesus Who invites us. We will gladly leave all behind just to be with Him. Our response will be like Peter: "Lord, to whom else shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68)

We journey on with Jesus, following Him on this pathway of faith. Soon we begin to find the walk tiring. It seems we are climbing uphill. We look up to see Jesus and we notice where He is heading. We are on the road to the cross. It is time to die. Do we turn back? Do we run in fear? No, we go with him; simply because it is He Who called us. As we approach the place where we lay down our flesh and commit it to death, we realize that it is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us.

“Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.” Gal 2:20-21 (Message)

It will cost us something. In fact, it will cost us everything. But in losing our lives for His sake, we will gain all there is to gain. (Luke 17:33) “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.” –Jim Elliot.

May we all pursue His righteousness, His image in us, His holiness in our lives. May it be our relentless passion.

Your servant and His,

Israel

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